if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I faked an abortion last night.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
