my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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