Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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