I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
