No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
