their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize