A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
