I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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