He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize