honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think i have herpe
just one?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
