Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
