Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
