matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
