Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
