two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
