I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
