come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
