exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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