I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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