I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
