The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
