Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
did i walk over a car last night?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
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