plz talk dirty to me
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
