I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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