i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
