You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
