Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
