that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
