Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
