Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
