before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
