so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
