Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's rum buckets o'clock
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
