Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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