She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
