Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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