is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
