Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
