My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
