Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
