I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
