It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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