you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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