I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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