If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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