Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hippo gnu deer
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
