I cannot find my penis.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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