Cold hands, warm shart.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
