How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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