he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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