My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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