I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
