just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
