i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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