I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
