i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize