Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
