Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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