that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
