oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Even my vagina gasped.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
