They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
