the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
