sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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