Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
