Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize