It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize