I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I skipped work to stalk him.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize