woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
