party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
