I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
