i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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