I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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