i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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