At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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