so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
