my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize