Is it because I queefed?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
