On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
