I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
