a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
